On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
