i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
