it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
