Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
