she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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