there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Houston, we have a blender
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
