I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
