I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
