i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
