You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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