oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
