He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
