I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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