this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
