I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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