Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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