I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How does one acquire holy water?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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