My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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