i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
