I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
