if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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