Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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