it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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