Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
