Pappa wants mamma naked
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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