Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
