i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
