ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Alive.
So much puke
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
