My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The adults are the big ones right?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
