NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
