He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
