he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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