Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
