dude i'm inner monologue high
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
