i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
