We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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