Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
