i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
