I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
smell my finger.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
