i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
