There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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