If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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