So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
