Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Blood and glitter go together right?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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