Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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