Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
