We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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