Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
