1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
false alarm. still invincible.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
