unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
