Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
