You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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