im six kinds of drunk right now
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
