You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
