i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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