ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
