bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just gift wrapped bread.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
