life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
